This Irrational Place
by Pinklove21
Summary: I have to remind myself that Gale's in District 2, probably kissing other girls. But here in our place, I find no relief in that reminder...oneshot!


**Just a shortish oneshot based off a quote from MJ that I thought about. Don't own anything :)**

_I have to remind myself that Gale is in District 2, probably kissing other girls.- Mockingjay_

Sitting here in our spot in the woods, the place that was so familiar to me over the years that my feet took me here without my permission, I try to find the relief that I felt earlier when Greasy Sae told me that Gale was in District 2 with some fancy job. Much to my annoyance (and confusion), here I can't. All I can feel is a longing, the rock that I sit on too spacious, too cold without another body sitting next to me, our sides lightly touching each other as we fidget or move in the slightest.

Why could I feel only relief in my house but here I miss him terribly? Maybe because we were never ourselves but here in the woods. Maybe because out here we were two kids, best friends who told each other everything. Who could read each other without words that we were so bad with, watching each other's backs and being ourselves in a place where (we thought) that the Capitol couldn't touch us. And somehow coming here without him feels…wrong. Like I don't belong here unless he's here with me or I'm simply waiting for him to come.

So without thinking, I close my eyes and slowly count to ten before tentatively opening my eyes again and studying the clearing, hoping against all logic that he will silently appear like so many other times before. But when my hopes fall that he doesn't I do the most ridiculous thing; I count again. And again. By the sixth time I open my eyes to a still empty place I wonder to myself why I'm doing this. Why do I want him to be here anyway? He killed my sister.

Or did he? The wind whispers to me, making myself doubt my blame in this place of ours. Did he? Even if it was his design I can't believe that he knew it would be used for that purpose; he would never condone killing children. Even if they were Capitolites. Even if he was doing anything and everything to end the war. And he couldn't have possibly known that she would be there, right? No, he couldn't have. She was supposed to be in 13, safe and sound. Not in a war zone underage to be there in the first place while Gale was in captivity. Why didn't I remember that? How could I have let that slip my mind?

Because I'm selfish, and I needed someone to blame. Because our friendship had already been on a slippery edge at that point and Prim was the final push I needed to end it completely, and I pushed. I let it go, I let him go. And I couldn't find it in myself to forgive nor forget. I couldn't even see that I could possibly _not_ be angry at him until right now.

What is it about this place? Is it some sort of spell that was cast on us that we could never be mad at the other here no matter what? That it would never feel right to be here without the other? Because that's what it seems like. It also makes me question what on earth I've been doing, what I've been thinking. I thought that I could hate Gale Hawthorne forever, but I'm finding it extremely difficult-no, impossible here in our woods. I'm finding that I hate the person I've been left as after the war-a burned, patched up person with so much pain and death upon them, whittling away. A person who thinks that Peeta, the sweet boy who came back to me, my dandelion in the spring is what I need. But here…I don't think it is.

What happened to the Girl on Fire? What became of her? This girl I've been left as, she doesn't have much fire left in her. I thought that I had enough fire for myself, that I didn't need Gale's. Turns out…maybe I do. Maybe I'm not much fire without his sparking mine, as we always both hated the Capitol and would do anything and everything to keep our families from starving. He would just be more vocal about it, but I'm the one who got the 'opportunity' to show the world. Here in our place I can almost feel that fire coming back, but it's not so much a fire as hot embers of a time where two fires burned brightly and defiantly. So why don't I go fix that? Why don't I go get him, call him, do anything at all to get that fire back? I miss him, I can't hide that here. And thinking about other girls kissing him…what is with me? I need that fire back, I do.

But there's one small problem with that; I'm too damn stubborn to make the first move. No matter how much I miss him, want him here in our place, I'm scared to find out that when I get on the other side of that fence I'll turn back into that wisp of a girl I used to be that hates him again, that doesn't think she needs anymore fire. So I won't make the first move, and I know for a fact he won't either. So where does that leave us?

The same as we are now. How we've always been really. Stubborn people so much alike that even if it hurts, even if it's what we want, we will never go against what we believe first because that means losing. And losing…well honestly, I'm kind of scared to find out what that entails.

So with that in mind, I try to shake this heavy air that surrounds our place now and irrationally think that I'll count to ten one more time. Just one more chance for him to come to me and I'll never come back here. I can't do it again-I'll be questioning everything I've said and done again and not be able to move on with my life.

3

2

1

I slowly open my eyes, and to my disappointment he's still not here even if I didn't expect him to be. With a sigh I stand up and take one more look around this place, knowing once I leave I'll never come back again. That I can go back to not missing him, not being…well jealous of those other girls he's kissing in 2. Go back to hating and blaming, giving me some sort of flame of anger to work with instead of the embers left here of a happier time.

I walk towards the blackberry bushes to leave this place but stop when I hear something. It must be a rabbit or something, so I ready my bow to catch my dinner as soon as it pokes its little head out. But to my utter surprise, it's not a rabbit-far from it.

We stare at each other in a heavy silence that seems to surround the place, studying the other-me in disbelief, him in anxiety. This is what I get for being in this place, remembering all those things that I shouldn't and couldn't in the Capitol but have overwhelmed me here. Well, if this isn't real then I don't have to worry about hurting Peeta anyway-he'll never know. So with that irrational thought I drop my bow and walk over to him slowly. When I'm about two feet in front of him he closes his eyes and braces for the punch or hit that I'm sure he thinks for certain is coming, but I surprise him for once by crashing my lips to his, my arms going around his neck as he figures out that this is really happening too and kisses me back, arms around my waist.

And I feel it; the warm embers from before come alive into a blaze and I feel my fire coming back. This is what I needed all along-even if this is totally irrational and crazy, it fits. Because in our place here, anything is possible.


End file.
